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"Vintage Reading® Stories Heard Over the Back Fence"
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Beauties of The Law
~Adapted from an 1876 Short Story
By Rita and Victor Buday
JUNE 2007 :: © 2007 Buday Books / Vintage Reading® |
Despite the most careful measurement of property lines, it sometimes happens that a tiny scrap of land is not accounted for. Just such a piece, no larger than a door mat, was rescued from oblivion by Mr. Bonds. It was a landlocked fragment sandwiched between the back corner of All Souls Churchyard and the County Highway Department's new Asphalt Plant being built on Elm Street. Church Trustees voted to have bricklayers erect a six-foot-high wall to separate the Church's property from the County's.
No sooner was the last brick tapped into place, when Bonds served notice of a lawsuit--a corner of the wall was on his bit of land.
Hastily-convened Trustees checked measurements; they found that not only was the wall on Church property, it was a foot inside the property line! They told this to Bonds. He said he didn't believe it, kicked the wall down before the mortar was dry, and made sure his lawsuit was still on the Court Calendar for early next month.
Trustees salvaged the bricks to have the wall rebuilt, but before the workmen could finish, Bonds kicked the wall down again and kicked the bricklayers in the bargain.
This was too much; Trustees filed a lawsuit charging Bonds with assaulting the workmen.
His attorney told Bonds to be a good fellow and not make more trouble; he could state his side of the dispute when he had his day in Court that was coming soon.
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Bonds' case alleging property trespass came to trial. It developed he was not 100% certain exactly where his bit of land was, but he was absolutely positive his land had been invaded. For their part, Trustees showed a copy of the ancient Church deed and certifications by civil engineers, all showing the wall unmistakably on Church property. Decision was for the Trustees; case dismissed. Bonds moved for a new trial; motion denied.
Trustees' attorney billed them for legal services. They said it was worth it to have the dispute settled so Bonds would leave them in peace.
Not so.
Two months later, tho' they'd forgotten all about it, their case against Bonds for assaulting the workmen came to trial. Witnesses did not appear, so Bonds was acquitted; case closed.
He immediately sued, saying Trustees were bringing charges without reasonable cause!
At this latest trial, one man testified he heard a Trustee say he could cheerfully send Bonds to the infernal region. That was offered as evidence of malice. The Court did not agree it was sufficient evidence; case dismissed. Trustees won, tho' they had another attorney's fee.
Emboldened, Bonds filed another lawsuit, alleging Trustees harrassed him for no reason! They were thoroughly sick of Mr. Bonds' cheerful countenance and his complaints. But--they had a tiger by the tail, and like it or not, it was back to Court--once more. And once more, the Court--its patience strained--ruled his claim had no merit. Case Dismissed!
By now, Trustees' legal fees totaled just over $400, and while true the Church would pay it, $400--to say nothing of Trustees' time and irritation--was not a trifling matter. Thank Heaven the Court had finally put an end to Mr. Bonds' nuisances.
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In Thursday's mail came another by-now familiar notice from Bonds--he was suing them and the Church, to prevent them from misapplication of Church funds to pay their legal costs!
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This story reminded a Probate Court Judge of an attorney's Last Will & Testament by which he left his estate "to fools and madmen, for it was from them that it was created, and to them I now give it."
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